I type, You read.

well i've been a little stressed lately, so i thought i would vent, the same way my best friend does. blogging. i made this here blogger and thought i would use it when i felt i needed too let off some steam.

well im a youtuber, hoping to be on the way to success in a few years if i keep up the good work and I end up getting out there. but so far, no bread on the table.
so i've been working for my mum recently instead.
well. "working" is more like "slaving"
i have been working for my mum with her apparrell store crap, packing, unpacking, designing, today i took a fuck load of photos for her website, which she wants me to manage, she also wants me to wear the shirts in my videos and advertise them. and tommorrow im going to a festival where i got to get into for free cus i would work there, where my mum wants me to advertise her shirts.

total income: $0
thats right.
but she is feeding me and all the motherly crap, so i suppose it is fair, except its not since my real shit-head brother royally screws her over every chance he gets and he gets the same results.
maybe i should be a little shit and perhaps i will get some appreciation? no thats immature and not really helping anyone. bla bla.

back to youtube. I've gotten pretty serious into now, staying up late editing, its stressfull but seeing the nice comments and thumbs up just make it all worth it, and i thank my subscribers for that.

by this point you may notice my grammar is terrible. but im here to vent not punctuate.

im working on a video i shot weeks ago and i thought i couldnt edit since my program is litterally Fuckfest 1995. but i found a way around it, as i somehow do with everything in life. its taken me a few nights and im now about half way, its hard, esspecially since im not good at animation. but it will be awesome in the end, i hope people just appreciate it.

cus to be honest, self esteen aint at that "all time high" its usually at, last night i went to the pub with the family to see my baby-brother chris (not the other brother) play guitar and Jam with some people. im proud of him, i really am. my parents really know how to make me feel useless though. the drummer guy asked if i wanted ago, since he saw me slapping my knees. i said sure, and had a go. we played the song.. um.. sunshine for your love. by... some douche-bags.
i never heard the song before. but i thought i had really made it my own, and it was really fun.
until we finished the song and i hear "Martin!" and got another guy to replace me, so i take a seat, my parents dont even glance at me, or even acknowledge i was even up there, and cheer for chris once more.
yup.
cool.
so that was depressing, liek i knew my parents didnt like me playing drums, but i never thought i was bad, ive only been playing for a year.. and i can play Her Ghost In The Fog - Cradel Of Filth. \m/

but no, not good enough. i have to play stuff like the beatles, eric clapton, stevie ray cocaine addict.
i listen to metal which according to my mum is shit and demonic, pretty sure its passionate and energy filled, especially since im not into stuff like Cannibal Corpse or any of that nasty stuff. but every drug addict gets appreciation, thats some bullshit.
pretty sure all musicians up until the 1990s could only do this beat:
o-o-o-o
- - -x -          (i dont blame you if you dont understand..)
X- - - -

basically my mum nags me "why dont you learn those songs"
i do know those song, they  arent hard, i just played sunshine of your fucking love by some douchebags.
its boring, thats why i dont play it, and the thing is both me and chris have opposite music taste, so we wont learn anything together. were both music nazis.
if mum wants us to jam, she should nag him to learn some metal.

nag nag nag, thats all she does really :/ it really brings a guy down. sorry im not fucking perfect.
the thing is, she doesnt appreciate my talents so much as she wants to milk me fucking dry so she can use me for somebody else, mainly herself to profit from it.
I got a camera for christmas right, i love it , my father is a brilliant man.
mum says "maybe you can do a documentary about my company? or advertisements!?"

two words.
Fuck
No.
Ive ben youtubing for liek what? a month? and i sell out already (oh right she wont pay me.)
no one give half of a shit on a dick about her company.

now she  complains her computer is slow, i know its slow, it was always slow, its the same reason why my editing program wont work?
oh your email wont work?
how is it my fault? ive been video editing, on a different profile, with no internet connection.
enlighten me.


wow, i complain alot..
brightsides!
my friend scored me into parachute festival for free, all i gotta do is work 2 hour shifts. SWEET
my dad finally bought me some drummsticks, since my mum will buy chris new strings at the drop of a hat, but a pair of sticks that last a year that cost $10? fuck na.
my dad also fixed my cymbal, hes so good to me, mum gives him too much shit.
my editing program hasnt crashed and the video will be up when i get back.

and finally, i feel alot better for just typing my problems out.
richard was totally right.